before i lived in a city, i used to wonder who could possibly work and live in all of those layers upon layers of people.
like, how can so many people populate such a small, vertical space and still exist? live a life? buy dish soap and paper towels and go to the eye doctor and make tea and paint their fingernails?
now, scooting around between buildings and on busses, in a personal space of ipod and thought, i understand this:
a lot of people do these activities. they participate in commerce and vote and buy stamps and occasionally read the front page of the only daily paper in town, but rarely put the two together, it seems.
but they do these activities out of need. they do these things because if they don’t, the dishes pile up and bills change color.
they do these activities with a search for a fight in the back of their mind. the mundane nature gets to them, makes them feisty, fills them with a secret fury.
primal, animal desires take hold. a hunt begins- find someone to blame. someone must pay. someone must be at fault for the long lines at the post office, at the deli, at the library.
and god help you if you are the face they see, after waiting in line, after sitting on hold. after suffering through inefficiencies.
after listening to voices and reading print and being detained and demoralized, to be confronted by an actual face, on a living human, must come as a surprise to these people.
these people who are empty and tired and bored and irritated and angry and self-righteous and lonesome and unfullfilled.
these are the people and this is the situation that leads to the violence against vagrants and valiant law enforcers, to verbal abuse directed at messengers and manual laborers.
your anger is not my problem to fix.



